“We’re looking for someone who’s a great culture fit.” It sounds harmless, even positive. But in so many organisations, this phrase, often used in hiring and team-building, is quietly costing us more than we realise.
The Hidden Price of “Culture Fit”
Let’s be honest: “culture fit” is rarely about shared values or vision. More often, it is a shortcut for “Do you make me comfortable?", or "Do you think, look, or act like me?” It is a filter for sameness, and it is everywhere, from the interview room to the boardroom, from the way we run meetings to who gets invited for a coffee.
For those of us who are different – neurodiverse, trans, LGBTQ+, from different backgrounds, cultures, or simply on a different journey – the pressure to fit in is relentless. It is the silent calculation before every meeting. Will this part of me be accepted? Should I share that idea, or will it sound too out there? Will my accent, my clothes, my way of thinking be too much for this group?
For many neurodiverse people, it is the exhausting work of masking, holding back natural behaviours, language, or even interests just to blend in. For trans and nonbinary people, it can mean changing pronouns in conversation or avoiding talking about their lives outside work. For LGBTQ+ people, it might mean avoiding mentioning the gender of their partner or leaving out details about their personal life. For others, it is code-switching, hiding family stories, or downplaying passions that do not fit the norm. The energy spent on this invisible labour is immense, and it does not clock out at five o’clock.
The Energy Cost - What We Do Not See on the Balance Sheet
We talk a lot about productivity, engagement, and wellbeing in the workplace. But rarely do we hear about the energy it takes to constantly edit ourselves. Imagine starting every day with a battery that is already half-drained, not because of the work itself, but because of the effort it takes to fit in. This is the reality for so many.
- The neurodiverse colleague who spends hours rehearsing acceptable ways to contribute in meetings.
- The trans or nonbinary team member who changes pronouns or avoids sharing their real life.
- The LGBTQ+ person who avoids mentioning the gender of their partner or leaves out details about their life outside work.
- The first-generation professional who laughs at jokes they do not find funny, just to be one of the team.
- The introvert who feels pressured to be on all day, or the creative who hides their best ideas for fear of standing out.
This energy cost is invisible, but it is real. It leads to burnout, disengagement, and a slow erosion of confidence and creativity. And it does not stop at the office door. It follows people home, shaping relationships, self-worth, and even health.
Why Belonging ≠ Fitting In
There is a persistent myth in many organisations: that if you fit in, you will belong. But true belonging is not about shrinking or shape-shifting to match the group. It is about being seen, valued, and able to contribute as you are. When we confuse fitting in with belonging, we build teams that look and think the same. We create echo chambers, not engines of innovation.
When hiring managers focus on fit, they often end up hiring people who mirror themselves. Same backgrounds, same schools, same interests. It feels safe, but it is a recipe for groupthink. The result?
- Fewer new ideas
- Less challenge to the status quo
- Missed opportunities to connect with diverse customers and communities
- A culture where difference is quietly pushed to the margins
And let us be honest. In a world that is changing faster than ever, sameness is a liability, not a strength.
The Value of Difference - Our Strongest Advantage
Here is the truth. Diversity is not just a nice to have. It is the single greatest source of creativity, resilience, and progress in any organisation. Teams that welcome difference – of thought, background, experience, and identity – are more adaptable, more innovative, and better equipped to solve complex problems. Research backs this up. Diverse teams outperform homogeneous ones on almost every meaningful measure, from profitability to employee engagement to customer satisfaction.
But this only happens when difference is truly welcomed, not just tolerated, but celebrated and used as a strength.
What True Belonging Looks Like
True belonging is when you can walk into a room and know you do not have to leave any part of yourself at the door. It is when your ideas are heard, your story matters, and your energy goes into the work, not into hiding or editing yourself. It is when leaders ask, “What unique perspective do you bring?” instead of “How well do you fit?”
The Real Work for HR and Leaders
If you are in HR, a hiring manager, or a leader, here is the challenge. Stop hiring for fit. Start hiring for contribution and potential. Ask yourself:
- Who is missing from this table, and why?
- What perspectives are we not hearing?
- Are we rewarding sameness, or are we making space for difference?
Practical steps
- Rethink your interview questions. Instead of “Would I want to have a coffee with this person?” ask, “What will this person add to our culture that we do not already have?”
- Audit your onboarding and team rituals. Are they inclusive, or do they subtly signal that there is only one right way to belong?
- Create feedback loops where everyone, especially those who are different, can safely share what is working and what is not.
- Invest in training that goes beyond unconscious bias. Focus on building real skills for inclusive leadership, psychological safety, and energy awareness.
The Courage to Go Beyond Small Tweaks
Let us be real. The future is not going to be built by small tweaks or surface-level fixes. It is going to be built by organisations and leaders who are willing to do the deeper work, who see difference as a strength, not a challenge to be managed.
This means:
- Embracing discomfort. Real inclusion is sometimes messy and awkward. That is fine.
- Listening to lived experience, not just policies or metrics.
- Recognising that the energy cost of fitting in is a hidden tax on your people and your potential.
Beyond the Workplace
The pressure to fit in does not stop at the office door. It shapes how we show up in our families, our communities, and even in our own minds. But the more we practise true belonging at work, the more we can carry it into every part of our lives.
If you have ever felt the cost of fitting in, if you have ever hidden a part of yourself to be accepted, you are not alone. And if you are in a position to create change, even in small ways, you have the power to make a difference.
The Future I Want to Build
The future I want to build is not about small tweaks, or hiring people who look and think the same. It is about creating environments, at work and beyond, where everyone is seen, valued, and able to contribute fully. Where energy goes into innovation, not into hiding. Where difference is our greatest strength, not our biggest risk.
So next time you hear “culture fit”, pause and ask: Are we building a team that is comfortable, or a team that is capable of changing the world?💜
If you would like to talk more about building cultures of true belonging, or share your own experience, I would love to connect.
Blog by Isobel Elton